2009 In Review: Chruch and Blogging

For most of 2009, my church, Sandals Church, has been going through the book of John. It's been a long process, but has been amazing. This summer, there were a series of sermons on miracles. I've often struggled with miracles never having experienced one, or not recognizing it for what it was. For those of you that may not know, Kevin and I have been trying to get pregnant since last November. It's been a real struggle for me to trust God's perfect timing and still recognize that His plan is not my plan.

On July 5, 2009, Pastor Nathan Brown spoke about looking for a miracle in our lives. I immediately thought about our desire for a family. But the more I sat there, I realized that getting pregnant isn't a miracle. A miracle by definition is anything that can't otherwise be explained. Doctor's (most of the time) can explain why women get pregnant. We know the process and it can all be explained. It is definitely a wonder and something to be amazed at, but conception under normal circumstances is not a miracle.

However, Nathan did say something that day that seemed to haunt me. He said that he had been praying for healing for someone in our church for a long time but that God revealed to him that he was not the one that was to pray for the healing. So Nathan challenged us that we needed to be praying for others around us and those in our church. I realized how selfish I had become with my prayers for myself. When was the last time I actually spent time praying for someone else?

I immediately thought of two women in our church. I was compelled to reach out and pray for their healing. They had been very open and honest in their blogs about their struggle to get pregnant. I had been blog stalking these women for quite a while. One I knew better than the other, but we weren't friends you would call up to chat with. But their willingness to be open and honest with the things they were struggling with drew me to them.

Below is the email I sent that afternoon.

Blogging is such an interesting thing. You spill your guts online to your family and friends but at the same time post your life for the world to see. All the while, not really knowing who is reading it. And if you are like me you move from one blog to the other reading about the daily and weekly activities of random people. The longer you read someones blog, the more you feel like you know someone even though you don’t really ever hang out. Thus has become the story of how I became "connected" with you. I would never go so far as to say I know you or the struggles you experience, but the openness you have on your blog has drawn me to you.

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 9 months now. It’s all so surreal how fast time moves. I had often thought about infertility before we started trying to get pregnant, but honestly didn’t ever think I would be in that category. Everyone in my family seems to be able to get pregnant before they really decide if they want to. I know I really just started trying and it may still happen for me. When I went off of birth control, I really expected to get pregnant right away; I’m not sure why. I know for many women, it takes a while to get pregnant. I was able to talk some with someone in our church who went through a period of infertility and felt very encouraged. But at the same time, I’m disappointed month after month. I know exactly what one woman in our church was talking about in one of her recent posts. Your body and mind begin to play tricks on you and you experience symptoms that aren't real.

I don’t just want to have a baby, I want to be a mother. And I can’t even begin to explain how I want to see my husband be a father. Unfortunately this obsession has begun to control all of my thoughts. I always know what day it is in my cycle and trying to find your ovulation period isn't exactly a piece of cake. I look for comfort in my husband all the while trying not to stress him out by putting the stress of ovulation onto him. So last week when Matt talked about asking for a miracle I immediately thought about pregnancy; remember I said it was always on the brain? But today when Nathan talked about asking God to heal the man in our church and that God told him he was not the one to pray for healing, I was really dumbfounded.

Now I know what I am about to say is slightly off topic from what the point of the sermon but it is where God took me today. I have been thinking about you more and more. I'm not sure if your physical body needs healing but I know that if you are anything like me, the struggle to get pregnant has taken a toll on your mental health. For the next 28 days, I will be fervently praying for you instead of myself. Every time I begin to think about how I would decorate the empty room in my house, or what names I like, I will be praying that God give you the desires of your heart. I will be praying for your marriage; that it continues to strengthen and that you will continue to fall in love with your husband more and more each day. I pray that you will let all unforgiveness and guilt and anger go. If your body needs healing, I pray that God bring that to you. I pray that you find peace.

I don't know if I am the one designed to pray for you but it can't hurt. I no longer want to be selfish in my prayers. I know it seems completely random, but there has to be a reason God has placed you on my heart.


This was just the beginning of the journey God took me on over the summer. I am excited to share it with you over the next few blog posts.