2009 In Review: Prayer

When the Spirit told me to pray for these two women (and I truly believe this whole experience was a "God Thing"), I didn't realize how much. When He said every time you think of yourself, turn your thoughts to someone else, I didn’t realize how selfish and self absorbed I really was. The phrase "pray without ceasing" took on a whole new meaning for me. I began praying non-stop. When I first woke up until the time I closed my eyes at night, I was praying for and thinking about these two women God had laid on my heart; as I get ready, during my drive, at work, when I eat.

The funny thing was I have tried distracting myself with other things; TV, Internet surfing (I love Craig's List,) but it didn't work. When I tried music, but even songs remind me of the journey these women were on.

I remember one song "In My Arms" by Plumb. The song seems to be about a mother protecting her child, something these women desperately desired to be able to do. And yet as Christians we get to experience the love and protection of God. The bridge states that "castles might crumble and dreams may not come true" but God has promised His love and that He will never leave us. It's such a simple phrase and yet so powerful. My prayer turned to peace for these women. We are not promised much, if anything, of earthly things. Our lives may not turn out the way we dreamed them, but we know His plan is perfect. I prayed for peace with the direction God takes them know that a family was the desire even if the journey to that end was not the plan. I prayed for peace during the journey.

I have cried a lot during those 28 days of prayer. But the tears were not for me. God was changing my heart. My tears of joy, sorrow, frustration, and confusion were for these women and I can't explain the burden. It truly is a moving of the Spirit and like nothing I have experienced, ever. The devil has been coming strong though; questioning my motives and why I would take this on. A nagging question of prayer and it's power. I keep repeating "It's not about me." No human has been a part of this prompting - even my husband was a little surprised when I told him what I has been asked to do. Growing up, the only time we talked about the Spirit moving was when someone was making a decision to follow Christ for the first time. Hearing, feeling, and experiencing the Spirit's prompting is still a little awkward for me. I know this is a growing and stretching experience for me, but that, too, is not my motivator.

I pray that I continue to listen to the Spirit and His prompting. This was all so new and still a little scary. Through this whole thing, I felt like I sounded like I sound like a crazy person. Even if I never understand it, I can accept the beauty in the mysteries of our almighty God.

I remember feeling drained and filled all at the same time.