Mommyhood

Yesterday my sister asked me if I thought being a mom was hard. At first thought, my answer is “No, it's not hard.” But my follow up to that is that it is by no means easy. In 6 short weeks my life has completely changed. I will never just grab my keys and purse and run. Even if I am not taking Lily with me, I make sure everything is settled and in order. I do a load (if not two or three) of laundry every day whereas I used to only do laundry on the weekend. Kevin and I have each been pooped on a handful of times in the past few weeks. Even cleaning house has become completely different. I no longer do the whole house in one day. I am cleaning every day simply because I only have the option to do a piece at a time. I didn't not realize how interactive I would need (or want) to be with her. She and I sit on the floor talking and giggling. Even when she is on the counter while I wash dishes, I move slower because I talk to her as I move about.

I am not new to babies. I was fourteen when my brother was born and I clearly remember helping out with baby stuff. I have babysat children and nieces and nephews for years. I knew how to hold babies, and change them, and heat a bottle, and swaddle them. What I was not prepared for was parenting issues. Pacifier, thumb, or nothing? How long do I let her cry it out? Do I even want to let her cry it out? What do I do when she hates tummy time? Do I want to choose when she naps or just let her indicate to me when she is tired? Is it too early to set a routine? Do I want to do straight breast milk or include formula? How long do I want to breast feed? Questions that have no right answer.

When I discussed the idea of “Mommying” being hard with a friend, she asked me about the difficult questions or situations that had already come up; such as the spitting up incidents and me freaking out a little (or a lot). But the thing is Mommying can be like my other job; things come up that are trying, or difficult, and may make me cry, but I wouldn't describe my other job as hard. But both jobs, Mommying and Financial Aid, each have a learning curve with trying situations that I don't always know the answer to.

My Mother-In-Law told me the other day that I was calm and at very at ease (maybe even graceful) and that this rubbed off on Lily. My doctor said the same thing this week. I would never describe myself this way (and I don't think Kevin would either) but I have to admit I think I am a lot more relaxed than I was 10 years ago. I have mentioned God's perfect timing many times, but I think God has been preparing me for parenthood for the past few years. Relaxing me a little and calming my spirit. A few years ago my friend Katie told me that you can't be selfish as a mom. Your time, body, emotions, and possessions are no longer your own. I think she even mentioned she couldn't even remember that last time she had her own ice cream without having to share. I'm not old, but I'm not as young as I once was and I think it has helped me to ease into having Lily around and not freaking out every day (just occasionally.)

Additionally, I'm not doing this alone. Kevin is a great daddy who absolutely loves his little girl. He scoops her up every minute he can. They have Daddy Date Nights on Thursday evenings and even though it hasn't gone as smoothly as he would have liked, I have never received a phone call or text in panic. He wants to learn about babies and wants desperately to be close to his daughter. Beyond my amazing support at home, I am surrounded by great mommies. This is, again, where God's timing is not my own. My sister and best friend were one of the firsts of their friends to have kids, which means they didn't have a huge support network that they could call on to say “Hey, what do you do when . . .” I probably text my mom, Rachel, or Bethany daily to ask an opinion and advice. Sometimes I ask all three just to hear different opinions.

I don't always know what I am doing, but hey, what firstborn child wasn't the Guinea pig of their parents parenting. I turned out okay (in my opinion.) But without the support of my husband and the godly mothers I surround myself with, this would probably be a lot harder. I am blessed by these women.