Thursdays

My sister in law calls Thursdays my anniversary day. Every Thursday I add another week to my "cooking;" getting closer and closer to 40 weeks. But at week 30 I started counting down instead of up; 10 weeks to go, 9 weeks to go . . . Today I hit 35 weeks; 5 weeks to go. And while it is exciting, I panicked a little. It seems that there is so little time left. It doesn't help that I seem to hear story after story of friends that had their babies early. Today I started worrying about not being ready. I have two weeks (I hope) of work left. I really want some time off before Baby comes so that I can feel a little more settled. My nursery isn't done. I want to do some grocery shopping and even make and freeze some meals. I want to clean my bath tubs and wash some of the baby stuff. All things I am too tired (or too swollen) to do after work.

Yesterday a friend of ours had their baby. Today, a friend of my sisters had her baby. As I thought about the two girls I had a whole flood of emotions. Fear of the unknown. Excitement for the future. Unsure about birth plans. Scared. Nervous. Love. An all around wreck. I feel like I've been on the verge of tears all day. I know women do this all the time. What I am experiencing is nothing new. But it is new to me. I love this baby so much and it's a new love I have never experienced. But all of this has me trusting God even more. Through all of this, it has always been His timing, not my own. I trust that no matter what happens next, He is control. He loves His children including Kevin, me, and Baby.