2009 In Review: Noah and Babies

God spoke to me loud and clear through an email from my new friend. We were talking about how we live in a fallen world. I had spent so much time convincing myself that not getting pregnant was not my fault and I did nothing to cause it, that I failed to personally recognize my own sin. I somehow neglected to remember, I too, have sinned and Jesus chose to die for even my sin. It seems so simple, but I too contribute to this sinful world.

This Sunday Matt talked about Noah and his family. The scriptures are very clear that only 8 people were saved. Noah and his sons. Not Noah and his grandchildren. God closed the wombs of these women until after they got off the arc. For hundreds of years! He had a perfect plan for them. I’m only 28. I have no plans for the rest of my life. I can wait. I may never give birth, but God has a plan. It’s not easy. But for whatever reason I found comfort in this.

I refuse to give one reason or purpose to not being pregnant. I have been amazed and blessed with all that God has shown me and I know they are all teaching me new and exciting things. We have been presented opportunities that could not have happened if we had children. I have been amazed and blessed. One other thing that God revealed on Sunday, was our opportunity to give to His church. After over ten years, Sandals Church is finally getting a home of our own. We have bought an industrial building across town that we get to transform into a home of our own. If we had children, or I was pregnant, our financial situation would look completely different. As a result, our contribution would look completely different. God has given us a starting goal and I believe he is going to give additional opportunities for us to increase the gift even more. We are excited to give and be a part of Sandals. It does take some faith. Today I prayed, “Lord, I love you and I trust you. I know you have called us to give to your church. I am excited and willing. But this also means if you call us to adoption, the money has to come from somewhere else, because there is nothing left after this.” Luckily that bridge is way off in the distance. If our patience were for this reason only, I would be blessed to serve the Lord as He has asked.

I won’t deny I still have longing for a family, but as I mentioned in earlier posts, I am learning patience (as well as many other things.) It was a pretty cool Sunday.