Gift from friends tonight.
It just got more real.
Kevin, Bekah, and Crew
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Our Cheap Valentine's Day
When Kevin and I were first dating in 2006, he sent me a beautiful bouquet of a dozen long stem red roses. They were wonderful and I loved having them on my desk. The next year we were married and agreed it wasn't worth the money. I think it was then we decided we would just do cards for birthday's, Valentine's, and anniversaries. Neither of us are gift's people. I'm a terrible gift giver. Kevin and I would much prefer to go places and do things together (as you can tel by our many travels.)
But when this February rolled around we had a series of text messages that went a little like this;
Kevin: Did you get me a card yet?
Bekah: Nope. You?
Kevin: Nope. Wanna skip it?
Bekah: Sure. How about you buy me McDonald's breakfast instead? I'll order off the dollar menu.
And that's just what we did. We go to the early service at church and are out of the parking lot by 9:45. We ran through the drive through and I got my Sausage McMuffin and fruit parfait and was good for the morning. We headed over to the antique and second hand stores and did some browsing. I got a couple of pairs of maternity jeans (that will end up as capris because they are too short for my long legs) and Kevin got some shirts.
We headed to Target and the mall but didn't really find much so Kevin treated me to a Thrifty's ice cream cone. Mmmm, butter pecan.
Maybe not the most calorie friendly date, but possibly the cheapest date we have been on.
But when this February rolled around we had a series of text messages that went a little like this;
Kevin: Did you get me a card yet?
Bekah: Nope. You?
Kevin: Nope. Wanna skip it?
Bekah: Sure. How about you buy me McDonald's breakfast instead? I'll order off the dollar menu.
And that's just what we did. We go to the early service at church and are out of the parking lot by 9:45. We ran through the drive through and I got my Sausage McMuffin and fruit parfait and was good for the morning. We headed over to the antique and second hand stores and did some browsing. I got a couple of pairs of maternity jeans (that will end up as capris because they are too short for my long legs) and Kevin got some shirts.
We headed to Target and the mall but didn't really find much so Kevin treated me to a Thrifty's ice cream cone. Mmmm, butter pecan.
Maybe not the most calorie friendly date, but possibly the cheapest date we have been on.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Button, Button, Who's got the Button?
I went to bed at 8:00 last night so I woke up this morning feeling rested and ready for the day. I showered, got ready, took care of the dogs, and even sat down to have a bowl of cereal. I was on time and everything was going well. I got in the car and POP, the button of my pants came off. I felt like I was in one of those Subway commercials. I lifted my shirt to survey the damage. Sure enough, the button was long gone. I got out of the car and stood up to determine if I could make the day without a button, but my zipper began to fall down. I sighed, closed the garage door and headed back upstairs for a new outfit. The top I had on only went with black pants. My only pair of black pants. I changed and headed into work . . . a little later than I had anticipated. I will probably end up in leggings tomorrow; much to Kevin's hatred of them.
My friends have been teasing me for using a hair rubber band to expand the waist of my pants, but it had been working well previously. That is until you put too much resistance against the button. A couple of friends suggested the Bella Band so I will probably pick one up this weekend. As well as some new work clothes. Unfortunately I need professional and casual clothes. And I don't want to have to buy a new set of clothes in my third trimester.
So Kevin has promised to take me shopping this weekend. I've been able to snag a couple of deals on ebay, and we will probably hit a couple of consignment shops as well. Hopefully I can replace the black pants with the missing button.
My friends have been teasing me for using a hair rubber band to expand the waist of my pants, but it had been working well previously. That is until you put too much resistance against the button. A couple of friends suggested the Bella Band so I will probably pick one up this weekend. As well as some new work clothes. Unfortunately I need professional and casual clothes. And I don't want to have to buy a new set of clothes in my third trimester.
So Kevin has promised to take me shopping this weekend. I've been able to snag a couple of deals on ebay, and we will probably hit a couple of consignment shops as well. Hopefully I can replace the black pants with the missing button.
Monday, February 8, 2010
New Math
Based upon my measurement from multiple doctors, I am due August 26th. So every other calendar in the world has me starting my 13th week on Thursday the 11th. However, Kaiser has me starting my 12th week on Thursday. So I pulled out a calendar and calculated it by hand. If I am due on August 26th, that means I would begin my 41st week on the 26th. That translates to starting my 13th week on Thursday. I am very confused.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
US National Game
Kevin took me to my first pro-soccer game last month. We went to see a US National Game and I cannot believe how many Honduran fans were in Southern California! Kevin plays Fantasy Football with defender Jimmy Conrad and his mother, Pam. Pam organized the whole thing. There were probably 40 of us sitting together to cheer Jimmy on. Unfortunately, he was ejected in the 17th minute. We all stood there with jaws open in shock. It was awful. The US team lost 3-1 but we had a wonderful time!
It was really cold!
Brandon and his cousin, Analee
Ally, Brian, and Liz
Saturday, February 6, 2010
2009 In Review: Looking Forward
During out Thanksgiving dinner with our Small Group, another couple announced they were expecting a child . . . and they weren’t trying. I, for some strange reason, was prepared for the news. But Kevin was not prepared. He was devastated. It broke my heart to see him upset. So that Friday after group, I called the fertility office in Fontana. I was originally going to wait until after the first of the year, but I wanted to do this for my husband.
We had our first consultation with the fertility doctor on December 7th. She was wonderful. She asked a bunch of questions and we even did an ultra sound to determine that I was indeed ovulating. They took 12 viles of blood that day for testing and sent us home with instructions for our next tests. My blood came back fine but she was worried about one hormone level and wanted me to come back when I started my next cycle for a saline sonogram and more blood tests.
So I waited to start my next cycle. I waited and waited. On the morning of December 22, I still hadn’t started so I took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. I was shocked. Kevin was getting ready for work, so I didn’t tell him. He needed to go in that day and I didn’t want him to worry. I emailed my doctor and she sent me in for a blood test. It was also positive. She wanted me to go back in 48 hours later for another test to make sure things were progressing.
I went to Target and bought a bib that said “I Love Daddy.” I wrapped it up and planned to give it to Kevin on Christmas morning. But as I thought about what if the blood test on the 24th was bad news, I knew I would need Kevin’s support. I gave him the gift on Christmas Eve morning. We were excited, but hesitant to get our hopes up too much.
The blood test came back and the levels had doubled. We began to get excited.
We headed to Bakersfield to spend the New Year with family. On the morning of the 2nd, I had some bleeding. I called the nurse and she suggested we go to urgent care. We waited for almost four hours before we were seen. The doctor did an ultra sound. He found the sac, but no embryo. I took another blood test and the levels were very high. The doctor said that this meant there was a fertilized egg somewhere outside of the uterus and he sent us to the local hospital for a more advanced ultrasound. We weren’t ready to tell my family yet, but as they had no idea where we had been for the past 5 and a half hours, we spilled the beans. My family cried with us as I tried to look for the positives. At least we know now that I can get pregnant.
We headed to the hospital for another ultrasound. The technician was quite odd and we couldn’t hardly tell if he was talking to us or himself. He took a look around and pointed out the ovaries and tubes. Then he paused and in the most monotone voice said “There’s the baby.” Kevin and I looked at each other very confused. Kevin then asked, “Is it in the uterus?” The tech then pointed to the outline of the uterus. Kevin then said “When we came in here we were under the impression there was an embryo but that it wasn’t in the uterus.” The tech then said “No, it’s inside.” Our final question was, “Can we go back to being excited?” The tech let us listen to the faint heart beat and printed us a picture. It looks like a seed.
God has taught me so much this past year. Most of which I know would not have happened if we had gotten pregnant when we wanted to. Thirteen consecutive months isn’t actually a long time, but in the middle of it, it felt like an eternity to us. I have learned more about my struggle with doubt and learning to release control. I praise God for the things He has done, and the things He continues to teach me.
We had our first consultation with the fertility doctor on December 7th. She was wonderful. She asked a bunch of questions and we even did an ultra sound to determine that I was indeed ovulating. They took 12 viles of blood that day for testing and sent us home with instructions for our next tests. My blood came back fine but she was worried about one hormone level and wanted me to come back when I started my next cycle for a saline sonogram and more blood tests.
So I waited to start my next cycle. I waited and waited. On the morning of December 22, I still hadn’t started so I took a home pregnancy test. It was positive. I was shocked. Kevin was getting ready for work, so I didn’t tell him. He needed to go in that day and I didn’t want him to worry. I emailed my doctor and she sent me in for a blood test. It was also positive. She wanted me to go back in 48 hours later for another test to make sure things were progressing.
I went to Target and bought a bib that said “I Love Daddy.” I wrapped it up and planned to give it to Kevin on Christmas morning. But as I thought about what if the blood test on the 24th was bad news, I knew I would need Kevin’s support. I gave him the gift on Christmas Eve morning. We were excited, but hesitant to get our hopes up too much.
The blood test came back and the levels had doubled. We began to get excited.We headed to Bakersfield to spend the New Year with family. On the morning of the 2nd, I had some bleeding. I called the nurse and she suggested we go to urgent care. We waited for almost four hours before we were seen. The doctor did an ultra sound. He found the sac, but no embryo. I took another blood test and the levels were very high. The doctor said that this meant there was a fertilized egg somewhere outside of the uterus and he sent us to the local hospital for a more advanced ultrasound. We weren’t ready to tell my family yet, but as they had no idea where we had been for the past 5 and a half hours, we spilled the beans. My family cried with us as I tried to look for the positives. At least we know now that I can get pregnant.
We headed to the hospital for another ultrasound. The technician was quite odd and we couldn’t hardly tell if he was talking to us or himself. He took a look around and pointed out the ovaries and tubes. Then he paused and in the most monotone voice said “There’s the baby.” Kevin and I looked at each other very confused. Kevin then asked, “Is it in the uterus?” The tech then pointed to the outline of the uterus. Kevin then said “When we came in here we were under the impression there was an embryo but that it wasn’t in the uterus.” The tech then said “No, it’s inside.” Our final question was, “Can we go back to being excited?” The tech let us listen to the faint heart beat and printed us a picture. It looks like a seed.
We went back to Fontana, had another ultrasound and were released back to our regular Riverside doctor, who did another ultra sound.
Today I am 11 and a half weeks pregnant. Tuesday we go back to our doctor to hear the heartbeat. So far everything is progressing normally. The doctors called it “Conception by Consultation.” I’m still very nervous that it won’t actually happen. We are excited to see my little belly start to grow.
Today I am 11 and a half weeks pregnant. Tuesday we go back to our doctor to hear the heartbeat. So far everything is progressing normally. The doctors called it “Conception by Consultation.” I’m still very nervous that it won’t actually happen. We are excited to see my little belly start to grow.
God has taught me so much this past year. Most of which I know would not have happened if we had gotten pregnant when we wanted to. Thirteen consecutive months isn’t actually a long time, but in the middle of it, it felt like an eternity to us. I have learned more about my struggle with doubt and learning to release control. I praise God for the things He has done, and the things He continues to teach me.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. Some of you have opened your hearts and shared some very personal things with me. Your encouragement has meant the world to us. We covet your prayers as we continue to learn what God has planned for us. As we learn to be the parents He desires us to be, trusting His guidance and following the wisdom of His Word. Thank you.
Friday, February 5, 2010
2009 In Review: Noah and Babies
God spoke to me loud and clear through an email from my new friend. We were talking about how we live in a fallen world. I had spent so much time convincing myself that not getting pregnant was not my fault and I did nothing to cause it, that I failed to personally recognize my own sin. I somehow neglected to remember, I too, have sinned and Jesus chose to die for even my sin. It seems so simple, but I too contribute to this sinful world.
This Sunday Matt talked about Noah and his family. The scriptures are very clear that only 8 people were saved. Noah and his sons. Not Noah and his grandchildren. God closed the wombs of these women until after they got off the arc. For hundreds of years! He had a perfect plan for them. I’m only 28. I have no plans for the rest of my life. I can wait. I may never give birth, but God has a plan. It’s not easy. But for whatever reason I found comfort in this.
I refuse to give one reason or purpose to not being pregnant. I have been amazed and blessed with all that God has shown me and I know they are all teaching me new and exciting things. We have been presented opportunities that could not have happened if we had children. I have been amazed and blessed. One other thing that God revealed on Sunday, was our opportunity to give to His church. After over ten years, Sandals Church is finally getting a home of our own. We have bought an industrial building across town that we get to transform into a home of our own. If we had children, or I was pregnant, our financial situation would look completely different. As a result, our contribution would look completely different. God has given us a starting goal and I believe he is going to give additional opportunities for us to increase the gift even more. We are excited to give and be a part of Sandals. It does take some faith. Today I prayed, “Lord, I love you and I trust you. I know you have called us to give to your church. I am excited and willing. But this also means if you call us to adoption, the money has to come from somewhere else, because there is nothing left after this.” Luckily that bridge is way off in the distance. If our patience were for this reason only, I would be blessed to serve the Lord as He has asked.
I won’t deny I still have longing for a family, but as I mentioned in earlier posts, I am learning patience (as well as many other things.) It was a pretty cool Sunday.
This Sunday Matt talked about Noah and his family. The scriptures are very clear that only 8 people were saved. Noah and his sons. Not Noah and his grandchildren. God closed the wombs of these women until after they got off the arc. For hundreds of years! He had a perfect plan for them. I’m only 28. I have no plans for the rest of my life. I can wait. I may never give birth, but God has a plan. It’s not easy. But for whatever reason I found comfort in this.
I refuse to give one reason or purpose to not being pregnant. I have been amazed and blessed with all that God has shown me and I know they are all teaching me new and exciting things. We have been presented opportunities that could not have happened if we had children. I have been amazed and blessed. One other thing that God revealed on Sunday, was our opportunity to give to His church. After over ten years, Sandals Church is finally getting a home of our own. We have bought an industrial building across town that we get to transform into a home of our own. If we had children, or I was pregnant, our financial situation would look completely different. As a result, our contribution would look completely different. God has given us a starting goal and I believe he is going to give additional opportunities for us to increase the gift even more. We are excited to give and be a part of Sandals. It does take some faith. Today I prayed, “Lord, I love you and I trust you. I know you have called us to give to your church. I am excited and willing. But this also means if you call us to adoption, the money has to come from somewhere else, because there is nothing left after this.” Luckily that bridge is way off in the distance. If our patience were for this reason only, I would be blessed to serve the Lord as He has asked.
I won’t deny I still have longing for a family, but as I mentioned in earlier posts, I am learning patience (as well as many other things.) It was a pretty cool Sunday.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
2009 In review: Answered Prayers
After an amazing and emotionally draining July, I concluded my journey in an email to my two new friends on August 3rd. I shared all that I had experience and all I was continuing to learn. Then in September, I headed up to Canada to spend some time with Kevin while he was in Ottawa on business.
I received an email from one of my new friends. Here is a portion of what she wrote:
You wrote your concluding email on August 3rd and on August 5th I had a positive pregnancy test. (and subsequently 11 more!) Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant. It is still quite surreal to me and I cannot believe God would heal me and answer my prayers the very moment I asked. I also know that he answered them in His timing since it was a journey of faith that I was on at the exact moment He chose life to begin inside me. Life began in a child that we will have in April and in my own heart again. I have never had such blind faith before and it truly is an amazing experience but it took a LONG time to get here. I'm sure He isn't finished with this lesson yet. I believe that God used my desperate cry for healing and your obedience. I believe that He has healed me for His glory.
My prayer, dear friend for you is that you will experience all that God has for you on this journey. Don't be disheartened but in it all find God, find a way to thank and praise him. Even if working with fertility Dr's is your chosen path, think of how you and your journey could impact those Dr's and nurses and perhaps another fellow woman walking with you on this journey.
As I read her email I began to cry. God answered my prayer in a very real way; a way I had never experienced before. I don't know if I have ever been so excited to hear someone else was pregnant. Especially this year! But God had healed her body, and opened her womb. He hears our prayers. It was such a beautiful experience and I thank God everyday that He allowed me to be a part of it all. His glory and grace astound me.
I received an email from one of my new friends. Here is a portion of what she wrote:
You wrote your concluding email on August 3rd and on August 5th I had a positive pregnancy test. (and subsequently 11 more!) Today I am 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant. It is still quite surreal to me and I cannot believe God would heal me and answer my prayers the very moment I asked. I also know that he answered them in His timing since it was a journey of faith that I was on at the exact moment He chose life to begin inside me. Life began in a child that we will have in April and in my own heart again. I have never had such blind faith before and it truly is an amazing experience but it took a LONG time to get here. I'm sure He isn't finished with this lesson yet. I believe that God used my desperate cry for healing and your obedience. I believe that He has healed me for His glory.
My prayer, dear friend for you is that you will experience all that God has for you on this journey. Don't be disheartened but in it all find God, find a way to thank and praise him. Even if working with fertility Dr's is your chosen path, think of how you and your journey could impact those Dr's and nurses and perhaps another fellow woman walking with you on this journey.
As I read her email I began to cry. God answered my prayer in a very real way; a way I had never experienced before. I don't know if I have ever been so excited to hear someone else was pregnant. Especially this year! But God had healed her body, and opened her womb. He hears our prayers. It was such a beautiful experience and I thank God everyday that He allowed me to be a part of it all. His glory and grace astound me.
Monday, February 1, 2010
2009 in Review: End of 28 Days
I am constantly reminded of God’s perfect plan, and as Pastor Neal spoke about (and Garth Brooks sings about), what we desire and pray for could actually end up hurting us.
In 2001, Kevin tried out for the Cal Poly Pomona soccer team. He should have made it. He is an excellent player, but was out of shape and Coach couldn’t see the potential in Kevin. But the head men’s soccer coach at CBU saw the potential. He was recruited last minute to come play with CBU. And yes, Kevin’s awards for soccer at CBU were cool, but the awesome thing is that God saved him through soccer. If Kevin had made the team at Pomona, he would not have come to CBU, a school he couldn’t afford, and he may never have met Christ. And he and I surely wouldn’t have met. A year and a half after Kevin started at CBU I started dating one of his teammates. I really liked Brandon and but it just wasn't right, but for some reason, we remained friends. And in 2005, after 2 years of pushing from Brandon, Kevin finally asked me out. If things had turned out with the way I wanted them to back in college, I would not be with the love of my life. A true blessing from God. As a side note to that, Brandon married a wonderful woman I can call a true friend. We hope and pray for things we don’t truly understand but God has a perfect plan for us.
If my new friend had gotten pregnant when she first wanted to, I would not have seen her blog and felt the overwhelming need to pray for her. If she hadn’t emailed me back and opened up more about the personal things she was experiencing, I may have considered myself to have been crazy and stopped searching for what God was trying to show me. Through her openness I am seeking out what it means to have complete faith in His promises and to consider Him trustworthy. One small change from how things played out and I may have given up on this seemingly simply journey. I truly feel transformed on the inside. I feel as if a wall has come down and I can truly feel His closeness and His presence. I feel His prompting. I am still learning to obey, but the change has begun.
When I first decided (or God told me, however you want to look at it) to pray for two women in my church for a dedicated amount of time, 28 days seemed such an odd number. I wasn’t quite sure where it came from. Most people would say 30 or 31 as it is a full month. But 28 days is a typical female cycle and it just made sense. What I didn’t know at the time was what things would come together at 28 day. On day 28 of my prayer journey, Kevin left for Canada for two months for the final leg of his internship. I was very, very sad as I love my husband very much. But I wasn’t devastated. I found comfort in God and His presence in a way I haven’t before, and can’t seem to explain. Additionally, through these 28 days I have been able to connect with Kevin on a deeper level . . . through Christ. He has been so supportive of me as I seem to have cried every day this month. But being able to share my thoughts and prayers has connected us in a new way, and for that, I am very grateful.
What struck me as the most odd was church on Sunday. When I found out the plan for the next Sunday's service, I groaned to myself. An all music service? It just seemed so easy to skip out on. In my mind, I wouldn’t be missing anything. But on Sunday morning as I lay in bed debating whether to get up or not, I really felt God tell me this was the wrap up of the past four weeks. God spoke to me through a lot of different songs these past four weeks. I’ve never been a big fan of Christian radio, but wow, I was often moved to tears in the car as I listened to the radio. I knew that this was now my time to bring glory back to God for all the things he had been showing me a teaching me. I listen to the words on Sunday, and felt my heart respond.
But the song the breaks me every time is Everything by Tim Hughes.
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory
Be my everything
I love that after hoping and dreaming comes watching and waiting. After hurting, healing. No matter what emotion I am feeling, Christ is in me and He is all I need. It took a long time for me to get to the point where I truly feel He is all I need. I’m still working on Him being all I want.
I do, however, want to bring Him glory in everything I say and do.
I will continue to struggle with doubt; not that He can do, but He will do. But through the encouragement of the emails I have received from these two women, I am allowing/waiting for healing whenever I feel disappointment. I am learning not to take the easier route of preparing for the worst to protect myself from the blow of disappointment. My prayer is that we can continue to see Him as that amazing Father who picks us up to hold us close when we are hurting. To maintain that innocence of trusting his bigger plan not knowing any other way.
In 2001, Kevin tried out for the Cal Poly Pomona soccer team. He should have made it. He is an excellent player, but was out of shape and Coach couldn’t see the potential in Kevin. But the head men’s soccer coach at CBU saw the potential. He was recruited last minute to come play with CBU. And yes, Kevin’s awards for soccer at CBU were cool, but the awesome thing is that God saved him through soccer. If Kevin had made the team at Pomona, he would not have come to CBU, a school he couldn’t afford, and he may never have met Christ. And he and I surely wouldn’t have met. A year and a half after Kevin started at CBU I started dating one of his teammates. I really liked Brandon and but it just wasn't right, but for some reason, we remained friends. And in 2005, after 2 years of pushing from Brandon, Kevin finally asked me out. If things had turned out with the way I wanted them to back in college, I would not be with the love of my life. A true blessing from God. As a side note to that, Brandon married a wonderful woman I can call a true friend. We hope and pray for things we don’t truly understand but God has a perfect plan for us.
If my new friend had gotten pregnant when she first wanted to, I would not have seen her blog and felt the overwhelming need to pray for her. If she hadn’t emailed me back and opened up more about the personal things she was experiencing, I may have considered myself to have been crazy and stopped searching for what God was trying to show me. Through her openness I am seeking out what it means to have complete faith in His promises and to consider Him trustworthy. One small change from how things played out and I may have given up on this seemingly simply journey. I truly feel transformed on the inside. I feel as if a wall has come down and I can truly feel His closeness and His presence. I feel His prompting. I am still learning to obey, but the change has begun.
When I first decided (or God told me, however you want to look at it) to pray for two women in my church for a dedicated amount of time, 28 days seemed such an odd number. I wasn’t quite sure where it came from. Most people would say 30 or 31 as it is a full month. But 28 days is a typical female cycle and it just made sense. What I didn’t know at the time was what things would come together at 28 day. On day 28 of my prayer journey, Kevin left for Canada for two months for the final leg of his internship. I was very, very sad as I love my husband very much. But I wasn’t devastated. I found comfort in God and His presence in a way I haven’t before, and can’t seem to explain. Additionally, through these 28 days I have been able to connect with Kevin on a deeper level . . . through Christ. He has been so supportive of me as I seem to have cried every day this month. But being able to share my thoughts and prayers has connected us in a new way, and for that, I am very grateful.
What struck me as the most odd was church on Sunday. When I found out the plan for the next Sunday's service, I groaned to myself. An all music service? It just seemed so easy to skip out on. In my mind, I wouldn’t be missing anything. But on Sunday morning as I lay in bed debating whether to get up or not, I really felt God tell me this was the wrap up of the past four weeks. God spoke to me through a lot of different songs these past four weeks. I’ve never been a big fan of Christian radio, but wow, I was often moved to tears in the car as I listened to the radio. I knew that this was now my time to bring glory back to God for all the things he had been showing me a teaching me. I listen to the words on Sunday, and felt my heart respond.
But the song the breaks me every time is Everything by Tim Hughes.
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory
Be my everything
I love that after hoping and dreaming comes watching and waiting. After hurting, healing. No matter what emotion I am feeling, Christ is in me and He is all I need. It took a long time for me to get to the point where I truly feel He is all I need. I’m still working on Him being all I want.
I do, however, want to bring Him glory in everything I say and do.
I will continue to struggle with doubt; not that He can do, but He will do. But through the encouragement of the emails I have received from these two women, I am allowing/waiting for healing whenever I feel disappointment. I am learning not to take the easier route of preparing for the worst to protect myself from the blow of disappointment. My prayer is that we can continue to see Him as that amazing Father who picks us up to hold us close when we are hurting. To maintain that innocence of trusting his bigger plan not knowing any other way.
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