Here Comes Goodbye

I miss Guin today. It happens at odd times. There was nothing that I can recall to bring on the grief except that I am always an emotional mess. I sent a text to Bethany, she can always relate. We often miss Guin at the same time. It's kinda weird.

I also sent my dad a text. My dad lost his sister Marsha 28 years ago last month. Idiot drunk driver ran a red light. They were coming home from Vacation Bible School. It's my dad that told me grief doesn't get better, it just gets different. I have held on to that as my own. It helps me.

Dad text back that he was listening to "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts. It was odd timing of my text. But it was comforting for some reason.

So when I got to my computer, I looked up the lyrics.

I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road
And it's not like her to drive that slow, nothing's on the radio
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell
She usually comes right in, now I can tell

Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry

Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight
But here comes goodbye

I can hear her say "I love you" like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play Here Comes The Bride

But here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry

Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight
But here comes goodbye

Why's it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on
Yeah, and you're left alone
Oh! But here comes goodbye! Oh!

Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry

Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight
But here comes goodbye, ooh

The lyrics are, in a way, up to interpretation. It could be a breakup song. But ultimately the song is about losing someone close to you.

Then I went to watch the video. I lost it. It appears to be a man and child in the afterlife and a girl and her mother struggling with the loss and grief that we all experience in this world. This mother wanted to protect her child from the grief and remember how she could hold her as a child.

Many thoughts run through my head. Guin. Her daughter Emma. Gareth. Guins family. Marsha. My cousins Christy and Julie. My Uncle Rick. My grandma. My grandpa. My father.

This post only took me six tissues.

Grief sucks.

Not better. Different.