Growing Up in a Family of Six

My friend Lisa has recently gone from a family of four to a family of five as her niece has come to live with her. She was seeking advice from parents of larger families, and here is my letter to her.

Dearest Lisa,
First, I am not a mother, and will therefore be sharing memories and experiences, not advice. Second, little Paul and Anna are two of the best-behaved children I have ever met so you must be doing something right. I do think you will be fine with three in tow. I came from a family of six and although our household looked crazy to an outsider, it was all we knew. Here are a few memories that may or may not unique to a larger household. Some of these were simply because money was tight, not because there were four kids.

1. I always heard, “It’s what’s for dinner.” My dad always said he was not a short order cook, not that any of us knew what that was at the time. We were never given the option of whether we wanted to eat what was served, or whether we even wanted to eat. We sat at the table until our plate was cleaned.
2. We always had dinner together at the table. No TV.
3. To celebrate individual accomplishments, we had a giant red plate that the member of honor was served their dinner; birthday, graduations, awards received, or other jobs well-done.
4. My sister and I shared a room most of my life. We split the dresser and the closet right down the middle. We had to ask to wear the others clothes. Our toys were stored together, but we often had the same thing in two different colors. To this day, we get the same gift in two different colors. Be forewarned, Rachel and I did not get along when we were younger. We fought all the time. It used to make my mother cry. She always said “I had you close together so you would be friends.” Even after we moved and I was 16, we still fought constantly. It wasn’t until college when we were both out of the house that we began to get along. Today, my sister and I are best friends and I can’t imagine life without her.
5. We started camping when I was 10. My parents bought a beat-up tent trailer and we went all over California and the West. I used to envy my friends who took two week vacations to Florida or DC. But we had the best (and the worst) times together. I used to complain about the dirt, and the smell of smoke, and the 2 minute showers. I have memories of my family and places that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
6. We had chores. Not for money, but because we were a member of a family. I remember picking up dog poop at a pretty early age. One would set the table, another would clear. Eventually we moved to washing dishes and laundry.
7. We received an allowance as a member of the family and pulled our fair share. We were not paid for our grades. It is what was expected from us. I began tithing at 8 years old.
8. We read books as a family one chapter at a time. We borrowed old movies from the library.
9. We made homemade popcorn and went to the drive in movies.
10. We took a drive. We seemed to play this game on Saturday afternoons.
“Where are we going?”
“For a drive.”
“For how long?”
“For a while.”
“How will we know when we get there?”
“We’ll just know.”
“How much longer?”
“Five more minutes.”
“How much longer now?”
“Five more minutes”
11. We went to church as a family. No one ever argued because there wasn’t an option.
12. Whenever we went somewhere as a family we would count off in order of addition to the family. Dad was number 1. My dad reminded me of this when he performed our wedding ceremony. We have added two in the past few years; my sister’s husband is number 7, and Kevin is number 8.
13. We focused on family more than individual time. We had one on one time with our parents occasionally, but knew the benefits or working as a team and a unit. We did do things split between the girls and boys.
14. My parents would hug and kiss in front of us as well as disagree. When I told them it was gross, they told me “We want you to see we love each other even when we ague.”
15. Discipline was different for each of us. Rachel was spanked and Jonathan was put in time out. I was told “We’re so disappointed” and I would bawl for days. All of us were grounded at one time or another. I will never forget the time my mother told Rachel she couldn’t have a birthday party unless her room was clean. No one believed her until Rachel didn’t have a party that year.
16. We had a midnight curfew out of respect for everyone living in the house.
17. Phone calls were not accepted after 9:00 on weeknights. My mother believed in the power of a good night’s sleep.
18. We prayed as a family.

You have been and will remain in my prayers,
Bekah