Yesterday I was “surfing” around people’s blogs. I usually do this in the evening before bed, but found myself browsing around 4:00. It all started with a blog from my friend Amanda. She was truly asking about why it is that some women have a difficult time getting and staying pregnant and yet a fourteen year old girl gets pregnant the first time she has sex, and aborts the baby because she doesn’t want him. Let me back up, it actually started yesterday with the today show when Megan McCain talked briefly (very, very, briefly) about Sarah Palin’s daughter being seventeen and pregnant and a woman’s right to choose. I thought about it some during the show, but pushed most of it to the back of my mind not knowing it would come to the forefront later.
Back to the blogs.
I thought about Amanda’s posting but again, pushed it to the back of my mind. On Monday night, Bethany and I discussed briefly about the women around us that are struggling so much just to be able to conceive and it was odd that Amanda had the same topic on her mind. A lot of it has to do with the women in our church seeking support as the struggle to have a successful pregnancy.
I then came across a blog of a woman who works here at CBU. She is pregnant with her fourth; an unexpected, but not unwanted pregnancy. She talks about her struggle of the change and this not being a part of her plan. I am so glad she prefaced some of her explanation of her struggle: “For those of you who would give anything to have a child and are not yet able to do so, please do not be offended by the struggle this has been for Jim and I (mostly me) to accept. We do not at all mean to be selfish, but want to be honest that this has been a difficult time for us.”
After Laura’s blog, I came across a woman I attended college with. I honestly was a little surprised to see she had recently given birth to her third child. Three? Can we really be old enough to have three kids? But in reading further, Jessica lost her second child at two months, to what I assume is SIDS. My sister’s son will be two months on Sunday. My heart broke. I spent a lot of time crying last night. Even writing about it now my vision is blurry.
My thoughts suddenly went to another woman I attended college with. Stephanie carried her son to full term only to be forced to deliver still born.
My sister-in-law has struggled for years to get pregnant, and can’t.
My friend and college dorm director adopted a beautiful little boy after years of not being able to conceive.
The list goes on and on.
I cannot even imagine the grief. I do not have children of my own. I have not lost a child. I have not experienced the frustration of going months and years not being able to go pregnant. I cannot relate to the true grieving. I am still very sad.
To answer Amanda’s question about why all of this confusion about some being able to get pregnant, and others can’t; I don’t know. I know that God has designed us to have children for it brings Him glory. Which is why the fourteen year old girl gets pregnant; it’s how our bodies are designed. But the world we live in is not God’s original plan. There is illness and disease and smog and stress and so many other factors that affect our bodies that God did not originally design. I know that cannot ease any pain. It doesn’t make it right or fair. I don’t understand, and quite honestly, I’m scared. I know that these children are with Jesus and the Father. Jessica and Stephanie have amazing faith in God and even in their anger and grief; they still praise Him and thank Him for His blessings. I urge all to read their stories.
Thank you ladies, for your amazing faith and encouragement; my prayers are with you and your families.
Bekah--
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'm glad I found your blog. :)
Second, your blog hits home for me! I have often wondered the EXACT same thing about how everyone from a teen to a crack-addict could get pregnant, yet it took me over a year each time. (I actually blogged about THAT). I thank God that it finally has happened and that it's "sticking" so far... I know so many who would die for that and who would gladly "suffer" a 18 months of disappointments to have a successful pregnancy.
One half-conclusion I've come to is this, if as a Christian, I am truly praying for God's will in my life, I can't be angry when He does HIS will, and not mine. He does know best. He does love us. He's the God that gives & takes away.
Yet, even knowing that God is good, it is still SO difficult when sad things happen (or good things just don't).
We live in a fallen world where sin has natural consequences (which is why people who have unprotected sex get pregnant) and I believe God allows those consequences to happen to people who are not praying for His will... I don't know...
Like I said, it's a half-conclusion because it still doesn't account for all circumstances.... (sigh).
All we can do is stand on God's promises--that he "works all things out for the good of those who love him and are called according to HIS purpose."
Just my thoughts.... :)
Thank you for sharing, Melissa. I am actually glad I do not understand God's timing or purpose at all times. Congratulations on baby number two - I will pray for a happy pregnancy and delivery.
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